Passing The Time

Netherfield Hall, near Meryton, Hertfordshire
Monday, December 7, 1812, 6:00 a.m.

To My Dearest Elizabeth:

Good morning my love. I found myself awake at a very early hour this morning and unable to regain my slumber, due to my eager anticipation of my meeting with you later today. My inability to sleep is unfortunate because I believe the remaining time I must wait would be easier spent asleep than awake. In wondering how I am to pass the next four hours, I determined that since I cannot be with you, I can, at the very least, send you my thoughts in a letter. I hope you are pleased to receive it. I do hope that at present you are sleeping peacefully, and dare I hope, dreaming about me? I confess that during the brief time I was able to sleep last night, I dreamt of you, as I have for so many nights since I have known you. Please do not be concerned that my inability to sleep this morning is due to any apprehensiveness on my part about our appointment later today. I have no greater wish than to meet you at the church and join my life with yours forever, as you ought to well know by now! Indeed, I find myself glancing at the clock every few moments and wishing the hands would move more speedily, although I know it to be impossible. Now, it is 6:13.

Elizabeth, I cannot express to you how pleased I am that our wedding day has finally arrived. I have wished and hoped that you would be mine for so long that I am continually amazed at the reality of it. I know that we have tread a difficult road to our destination today, but you must know how grateful I am to have earned your love and your hand. I am equally grateful to you for teaching me to earn them. Loving you gave me a reason to examine my own character. Nay, even when I first loved you I still did not see beyond my own pride and selfishness. It was not until you showed me that my own selfishness would not be always gratified, that I realized that I did behave with selfish disdain for the feelings of others, even yours, though I loved you so. It never occurred to me, before then, to consider whether you could love me back. My need to earn your regard motivated me to look at myself through your eyes. Once I saw myself as you described me, I knew I had to amend my ways if I was to win you, and indeed, whether I could win you or not. Thanks to you I have learned to open my eyes, my heart, and my mind not only to you, but to the rest of the world.

I have just been interrupted by Bingley. It is now 6:28. You should see the grin he wears this morning, but I am sure you will notice it later. I wonder if I look the same. You will have to tell me after you see me. Bingley expressed his wonder that I could contrive to write a letter on the morning of such a day as today. He did not understand how my mind could not be so distracted as to prevent me from being able to concentrate on the matter about which I am writing. When he finally stopped speaking and remembered to breathe, I informed him to whom I am writing. He thought it was a swell idea and has determined to follow my example and write a letter to your angelic sister, Jane. As I am occupying his desk, he sits at the table a few feet away from me. I daresay, he writes so rapidly that although I began before him, I am sure he will finish his letter before I finish mine. I only hope its recipient will be able to read it. I am glad he is writing a letter to Jane, as I am sure she would be aware of your receiving this one from me. It is now 6:37.

Elizabeth, as I was saying, you have taught me so much. I owe my life to you. I hope I have not caused you distress, my love, by reminding you of painful memories from our past. I only wish to explain how much I have come to appreciate you. My love, respect and esteem for you were increased manifold after our fateful encounter at Hunsford. You may wonder that this is possible, but I assure you that it is, because I realized that in considering whether or not to accept me, you looked only at me, while I had done the exact opposite. I loved you, yes, but forefront in my mind were the other considerations that I so eloquently brought to your attention that evening, while you thought only of my character and worth as a man. It was as a result of that evening that I learned to admire your integrity, your adherence to your principles, and your true worth. Elizabeth, no one had ever before in my life looked only at me, for the man I am. Instead, I was known only for those other considerations that I mentioned. But those were insufficient to tempt you, and I loved you all the more because of it. I remain convinced that had things turned out differently that night, had you accepted my undeserving hand, we could never have been nearly as content as we are and will continue to be. It is true that you were then mistaken about my character, but you had every reason for making the mistake, and I never gave you a reason to believe otherwise. I am happy that you realized that you had been mistaken, and even happier that once you were able to see my true self, or I should say, once I was willing to show you, that you were able to love me. My joy in today's events can only be equaled by the joy I felt in learning that you return my love.

It is now 6:49, I wonder if you are awake yet. I have just been interrupted again. This time, by Georgiana. She is positively exuberant. I have never seen her so animated. I believe you have been a very good influence on her these past few weeks that she has been here. It has warmed my heart to see the two of you together, and I hope that you can learn to love each other as sisters. I know that although you have already four lovely sisters, that there is room in your generous heart for yet another. I believe Georgiana will benefit immensely from your companionship and your guidance, as have I. She wishes me to bid you good morning and to tell you that she looks forward to having you for a sister. She complains that she must wait yet another three hours before the wedding. If she is herself so impatient, I wonder if she can imagine my own anguish! However, I can say, that I could not think of a better way to pass these slow hours. When I began this letter I had four hours to wait, now there are but three hours dividing me from the happiness that awaits me at Longbourn Church.

Elizabeth, I promise you that the amendments I have made to my manners, that you have witnessed since we were in Derbyshire together, are permanent. I have no intention of sinking back into what I was, particularly now that I have learned how much more pleasant life can be. I know that you will be always by my side to guide me, if necessary, with your gentle hand. I do hope that if your guidance should become necessary that your hand will be more gentle than it was the last time I required it! However, I believe I can rest assured on that account, as I do not intend to ever again be so deserving of your disdain as I was that night. Now that I know you love me, I thank heaven every day that I will never again see the contempt in your eyes that I saw so justly directed at me then. Please do not allow my words to concern you that I am still suffering from the pain of that evening. I have learned to be grateful that it occurred and I have no inclination to forget it. I needed to hear all of the things you said to me. Be assured, that your sweet love has cured my heart of any residual hurt resulting from it.

Colonel Fitzwilliam has caused yet another interruption to my writing. It is 7:13. He came into the room a moment ago and discovered Bingley and me both diligently employed. He expressed his utter amazement at seeing us both so calm and able to attend to matters of business. Bingley quickly informed him of the nature of our business. He was very amused, and exercised his wit long at our expense. He claims never to have met any man so eager to approach the altar as the two of us. My cousin then expressed his fear that once we arrive at the church Bingley and I shall surely go mad with anticipation, so he has been kind enough to offer himself as a companion to us during our wait at the church. He says, if nothing else, he will be able to make the time fly faster by continuing to delight us with his clever observations about our demeanor today. I cannot wait until he marries, then shall I enjoy my vengeance. He has now left us as he has yet to breakfast.

Now I shall resume my previous subject. As I have already given you my thoughts on our journey hither, I wish now to express to you my happy thoughts on our journey forth. Elizabeth, I look forward eagerly to our future together with every anticipation of felicity. Although I know the title has been claimed by many, I am certain I shall be the happiest of men with you by my side. I am aware that we shall have our share of vexations during our marriage, but I believe, due to our past interactions, that we have reached a level of understanding with each other that is rare among married couples. As a result, I believe us to be well equipped to meet future challenges together. I could not imagine two people more perfectly suited for each other than the two of us. Although, perhaps Jane and Bingley are nearly as well matched. The thought has just occurred to me that the next time I address you it will be as Mrs. Darcy. The thought pleases me and seeing it written in my hand even more so. I look forward eagerly to hearing it spoken by others as well as myself. Am I not as silly as my cousin accuses me of being?

It is now 7:34, surely you must be awake by now. I hope you have greeted this day with as much happiness as I have. Bingley has finished his letter to Jane, and he wishes me to hurry as he is most anxious to dispatch his missive. I have been given a respite from his entreaties as he has taken a moment to order a horse and rider readied to make the delivery of our two letters. I do not yet wish to relinquish my pen, as this has been such a pleasant way to pass this wretched time. I no longer regret not having been able to sleep later this morning as I would not otherwise have had the opportunity to memorialize these sentiments and to express them to you prior to the ceremony. I do not know how I shall manage to endure the rest of the wait once I have finished this letter. As soon as this has been sent to you, I shall dress and then repair to Longbourn Church to await your arrival. Alas, Bingley has turned his attention back to me. He was much more tolerable when he was sitting quietly, writing, thus I have convinced him to write a postscript to his letter.

Now I may return my attention to my happier thoughts. I wish you to know, Elizabeth, that I am keenly aware of my fortune in having you as my wife. The thought of your presence and companionship each day for years to come, and indeed, for the rest of my life, fills me with joy and warmth beyond my previous experience. I know that your vivacity, your spirit, and your grace will give Pemberley new life. I know that the strength of your character will require me to be the best man that I can be. I know that under your loving guidance, our children will grow to be good hearted and generous, but sensible and principled. Please know that my love for you is as fervent as ever and that it grows each day. Although I do not deserve you, I could not imagine my future without you by my side, and fortunately, I no longer have a cause for such a melancholy prospect. I promise you now, that I will continue in my earnest endeavor to be worthy of you each and every day of our lives. I only pray that my love and devotion can give you as much happiness and pleasure as yours give me.

It is now 7:52, and long since Bingley has finished writing his postscript. He is eyeing me most impatiently, as it has been reported to him that our messenger is ready to depart. Now he has threatened to send his letter without mine! He is a fine friend indeed. He would not even have a letter to send, but for me. I suppose he is right however, and that I should dispatch this letter as soon as possible to prevent its being the cause of any delay on your part, which would only prolong my own agony as I wait at the church for you to arrive.

Today, Elizabeth, I will give you my hand to be rejoined with my heart which you already own, and I will be blessed with the great honor of receiving yours, and thus, my most cherished and enduring wish will be realized. It is a beautiful and glorious day, and the sun will shine down upon our union. Reluctantly, I must close this letter if you are to receive it before our meeting this morning. I will only add, God bless you.

With all my love, yours forever,

Fitzwilliam Darcy, The Happiest of Men

~

Netherfield
Monday, December 7

To My Dear Sweet Jane,

Good morning my beautiful angel. Today is our wedding day, and what a lovely day it is. I cannot tell you how happy I am. Darcy makes fun of my grin, but he does not know that his face is just as silly as mine. I am happy to see it, for I have not been used to seeing him as happy in all the years I have known him as he has been since his engagement. And today, he seems even happier, if that is possible. Indeed, I believe his happiness in marriage will be inferior only to my own. I must credit him with the idea for writing you this letter. When I came down this morning I found him writing to your sister. I find that this is a most agreeable way to pass some of the time until our wedding.

Never had I imagined, my love, that I could be as happy as I am now, and as I have been since you assured me that my love is not unrequited. I do not know if I shall ever forgive myself for doubting your regard, and for allowing the judgment of others to prevail over the feelings in my own heart. I know you have already forgiven me and that it distresses you when I speak of it, but it breaks my heart to know that I caused you so many months of pain and sadness, when it was within my power to bring you happiness. We could have been married a year ago if I had exercised more faith in my own convictions. You must know that those months we were apart were miserable for me, not only because we were separated, but because I believed you did not love me. How happy I was to learn that I was wrong!

Miss Darcy has just entered the room and is in conversation with her brother. I am happy that you and she have been able to form a friendship in spite of what you were misled to believe about the nature of my own intentions towards her. I am still astonished at the deceitfulness of my closest relations in that matter. In keeping with your advice, however, I have made every effort to temper my anger and someday I may be able to forgive them. But, even if I was ready to forgive my sisters, it would be difficult to do so as forgiveness can only be bestowed upon the repentant and they have yet to repent. I must abandon such thoughts for the present, however, as I refuse to allow anything to darken my spirits today.

Please know that you are in my thoughts constantly and I await meeting you at church with eager impatience. I know not how I ever gained your affection, but you have made me the happiest of men. I am most anxious to begin our new life together. I only wish that my sisters would return to London. I know you will think me ungenerous for not wanting them here, but my wish for them to be gone derives only from my desire to be alone with you. I imagined they would have planned to leave immediately after the wedding, particularly, given how angry I am with them.

Jane, I am so pleased that you will become the mistress of my house today, as you have always been the mistress of my heart. I have every expectation that our life together will be a happy one. You are everything that is sweet and good, and you make me want to be as you perceive me. You are so generous in your opinion of me that I can only hope to be worthy of your high esteem.

I truly believe that we are perfect for each other. As much as I would like to continue to extol your virtues at present, I will leave that to the rest of my life and begin to close this letter, as the hour is growing late.

Darcy and I have agreed to go directly to the church as soon after these letters are dispatched as we can be ready. I do not imagine either of us will be useful to the other during these last hours while we wait. Luckily, however, Colonel Fitzwilliam has agreed to accompany us to Longbourn church and wait with us. He came into the room a few moments ago to make fun of his two love-struck friends, but has since left to eat breakfast and then ready himself for church. I dare say if he truly wishes to come with us, he had better be ready to go soon, as Darcy and I may be likely to leave him behind in our impatience to get to the church. Hurst will accompany my sisters and Miss Darcy to the ceremony closer to the appointed time.

I will close now so that I can send this to you.

With all the love in my heart,

Charles Bingley

Postscript - Darcy has not yet finished his letter to Lizzy and he suggested that I write a postscript to you. So I will tell you again how happy I am that we will be bound together forever in just over two hours. I look forward to your delightful companionship every day for the rest of my life. The reality of my good fortune was made more acutely apparent to me this morning, when I checked your dressing room. All of your trunks that arrived yesterday have been unpacked and your things are awaiting your arrival, as am I. Seeing all of your belongings here pleased me beyond measure. Your sweet presence is all that is wanting.

All my love,

~

Longbourn, near Meryton, Hertfordshire
Monday, December 7, 1812, 8:46 a.m.

Dear Fitzwilliam:

It is still 8:46 a.m.

Upon receiving the letters from Netherfield I have asked the servant to wait a moment so that I can write a quick response for him to deliver to you at the church. Jane is writing to Charles as well.

It is now 8:48 a.m.

My love, I cannot tell you how pleased I was to receive your letter this morning. Your words were such a comforting and touching gift on this otherwise tumultuous morning. Mama had Jane and me out of our beds before 7:00 o'clock. I was already awake, but was hoping to lie in peace a little longer before my mother's poor nerves overtook the household. But as it turns out, I am glad she aroused us early as it gives me some time now to write a quick response to your missive.

It is now 8:53 a.m.

I must say, Mama was quite disturbed when the rider from Netherfield arrived with the two letters. She was certain something must be amiss. But Jane and I were soon able to reassure her that all was well. I have escaped to my room to write this as Mama is making the last minute preparations for the wedding breakfast, now that both Jane and I are ready to go to the church.

It is now 8:57 a.m.

As you had the leisure of much more time while writing your letter, I cannot respond to everything you said in it, therefore I shall address those matters with you later. However, I refuse to discuss at any time today, certain wretched past events which you continue to insist on mentioning.

It is now 9:01 a.m.

For now, I just wish to tell you that I was very happy when I awoke this morning. What can be happier for a woman than marrying the man who is perfect for her in every way? You are truly the best man I have ever known. I only wish I had not allowed myself to be previously blinded from the truth. I am truly blessed to have your love and esteem. The constancy and depth of your regard are rare indeed, and I am thankful for them everyday. I too am keenly aware of my fortune in being chosen by you to share your life. Although my love and admiration for you is younger than yours for me, I promise you that it runs just as deep. I too look forward to the events of later today and to the life before us with anticipation of every happiness.

It is now 9:09 a.m.

When I arrive at church today, I will be looking for your grin, as you requested, and after the ceremony I will give you my opinion on whether it is equally as silly as Charles'. I am also eager to be called Mrs. Darcy. Jane has been secretly referring to me that way all morning, and I have been calling her Mrs. Bingley. What do you suppose Colonel Fitzwilliam would have to say about the two of us? Are we not at least as silly as you and Charles? But I suppose such silliness is expected of women!

It is now 9:13 a.m.

Jane has come into my room, as she has finished writing her note to Charles, and she begs me to thank you for giving him the idea of writing to her. She is very well pleased with his letter. I am sure she has included a word of thanks for you there as well, for Charles to convey. I do hope that reading this letter will give you an excuse to have some respite from Colonel Fitzwilliam's teasing. Perhaps you should read it more than once.

It is now 9:17 a.m.

I must close this letter as Mama's nerves need calming again, for we must be on our way to the church in less than half an hour!

It is now 9:18 a.m.

I shall be with you soon, and then forever.

All my love,

Your Elizabeth

It is now 9:19 a.m.

~

Longbourn, near Meryton, Hertfordshire
Monday, December 7, 1812, 8:46 a.m.

Dearest Charles:

I was so delighted to receive your letter this morning. What a sweet and wonderful surprise! I admit that I was a bit alarmed when it arrived, but I was soon relieved by the content. Please convey my thanks to Mr. Darcy when you read this, for giving you the idea. Lizzy and I have asked your servant to wait so that we could send responses to you at the church. I do hope your wait there is pleasant. I am glad Colonel Fitzwilliam accompanied you there, I am sure his pleasant company and conversation will help pass the time.

Charles, please do not distress yourself about unfortunate events of the past, especially on a day such as this. You know now that I love you with all my heart and that I always have, and I now know that your true feelings equal my own. Soon, we shall be joined before God and man in a bond that cannot be broken. I know that your heart is too generous to remain angry at your sisters. They shall certainly always be welcome at Netherfield as long as I am its mistress. Nothing and no one can ever interfere with our happiness again. I am so well pleased at the prospect of being your wife, my dear Charles, that I have been smiling all morning.

My poor Mama has been quite nervous all morning. She has required her smelling salts thrice today already. I do hope Mary and Kitty will be able to comfort her with me and Lizzy both gone away. And Lizzy is going so far, I shall truly miss her.

I am glad to hear that all of my things arrived safely and have been readied for me. Thank you for your thoughtfulness in trying to insure my immediate comfort in my new home. I am relieved we will not have to travel today as the Darcys will. I wish they would have considered our offer to remain at Netherfield at least for tonight, but I suppose they are anxious to get to their own home as well.

I look forward to seeing you very soon. I hope this letter brings you as much joy as yours brought me.

All my love,

Jane

FINIS

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