Mugging Sofie's Muses

Sofie Starski streaked toward her son. "Stop slaying that man!" she shouted.

Eduardo scrutinized the nasty neighbor. "He slashed your greenhouse, Mom," he said.

"No, no, we spoke rashly. He saved the greenhouse."

"Surely you haven’t suppressed the memory of his complaint? When he said my dog wouldn’t shut up?"

"Oh, Eduardo! You see, wrong neighbor. Stupid mistake."

"Oops." Eduardo scrutinized his slaying. "Darius sure staged the appearance of butthead well. He seemed so territorial and whiny."

"Great. Now they’ll shut you up in a cell. Subpoena me, probably. You should have surveyed the situation, and solicited my advice."

"Shut me up in a cell? Surely you jest, Mother. I shall secure my freedom with another slaughter."

He started the chainsaw’s engine. She was startled as the memory of him when he was Only a Child came back to her. Suddenly, he started toward her… Sofie awoke with a start. Another nightmare! They had gotten worse lately, ever since she had bought that Yellow Tablecloth With Tulips. It had looked pretty in the store but it seemed to infuse murder into her dreams!

It didn't help she'd been thinking about her hot neighbor, Darius Williams, a very handsome rancher, a lot lately. She'd gone snorkeling in the River a few days ago to collect dropped coins. She hadn't found any. The coins were Intangible as Air. That experiment had been an abysmal failure. But while she'd been diving down looking for coins, Darius had accidentally hit her on the head with his boat. She sustained a small bump on the head, and it had hurt but had not caused major damage. He had blamed it on the power of the River, but Upon Reflection, she could tell he had done it on purpose. Whether it was because he hated her and wanted to injure her or liked her and wanted an excuse to talk to her, she wasn't quite sure. But she couldn't stop thinking about him. He seemed to have left his mark on her very soul! (Not to mention her head.) She turned as she thought she saw his shadow flit across the room on the outer edges of her vision. No one was there, but she did notice the Flowerstone she'd found on the bottom of the River that day. It reminded her of her grandpa. He loved rocks, loved to throw them into the ocean, anyway. She smiled to herself as she felt the sensation of Overlying Comfort take over her and replace the unease brought on by her dream.

She sighed and checked her watch. Noting she had plenty of time before she had to go to the airport to pick up Cindy and her family, who were flying in from Florida, she reached for the book she had been reading, The Irritating Truth. At least she could concentrate on that for a while, and get her mind off her gorgeous neighbor or the image of her beloved son murdering her to shut her up. An hour later, she was wide awake, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes at the antics of the lively characters. That Caroline! She thought. Always the matchmaker. If only the main character, Elizabeth, weren’t so gosh darn, well, irritated at everyone and everything around her. She got up to make herself a snack, a microwaveable chicken pie. As she waited for the small pastry to heat up, she heard the newspaper delivery van drive by and throw a paper at her driveway. Since there was a minute left to go on the pie, she ran out the door (barefooted, of course) and retrieved the newspaper.

She took the pie out of the microwave and almost burned her mouth on the first steaming bite. "All For A Pie," she grumbled under her breath. While perusing the paper while her chicken pie cooled, Sofie noticed an ad for a proof reader for a local novelist who wrote under the name of Deppy John. He wrote the Ryala trilogy, Sofie's favorite Sci-Fi series. Her favorite was the third and final novel, Endless Ebony. She was addicted to his novels. She read them constantly, over and over again. She could recite passages and speak in the various languages invented by the author. She droned on like the drones in the stories and wrote reams of fanfiction in which Ryala and Xoreon really did have that love affair. This went on and on. She was a hopeless addict. She knew she had a problem. Then, like a Sunshower, Darius entered her house and took the book out of her hand. He held her close knowing that one day she'd put the books down by herself. But not today. Not today. Then Sofie woke up. She groaned. She'd fallen asleep at the computer. There was no Darius. She still had time before she had to leave for the airport.

She went back to her newspaper and began to fantasize about the editing job. "Hey, that just might get me that little bit of extra cash I need for my next cross-continental trip!" she thought excitedly. "And I've got loads of experience; I beta for all my beloved eSisters and eFriends - if only they would learn to spell properly, not repeat words in the same sentence and put amber coloured flecks in their green-eyed characters! Gee, getting paid to beta - what a concept!" She could do it! She decided to send him an email applying for the job. He responded by telling her she had gotten the job and he included an assignment so she could get started working right away - Sofie couldn't believe it!

Sofie had never met John in person, and though everything related to her work would be exchanged via emails, she hoped this job would give her the opportunity to meet him someday so he could autograph her books. She just finished her editing in time to run out to the airport. She hurriedly added all the attachments to the email message and pressed the send box - only to find out she had included one of her own short stories that she had intended on posting at the BG site. "Oh no! Mr. John is going to think I'm trying to solicit a favor from him - he'll think I'm trying to get published! He'll think it's crap and fire me!" Her panic was preempted by a knock at the door; it was her handsome neighbour, Darius. "Mmmm," she thought licking her lips, all thoughts of her employer leaving her head, "I hope he's coming over to borrow some sugar, 'cause boy do I have some for him."

"Sorry for the interruption, Sofie, but I had to tell you as soon as I heard - my publisher loves your stuff and wants to sign you to a multi-million dollar book deal! You see, my pen name is Deppy John. I was so impressed with the story you just emailed me that I had to forward it to my publisher. Oh yeah, and I'm madly in love with you and want to frolic barefooted in cold stream water with you!" He then gave her a mad passionate kiss, ending with licking her nose.

"Hmmm," thought Sofie, "his tongue feels like sand paper."

"Meeeoowww!" Sofie woke up with a start; her cat was standing on her chest licking her nose. She had fallen asleep in her window seat, it had just been a dream. "Better the cat than the raccoon, at least," she said to herself as she checked her watch and jumped up to head for the airport.

As Sofie drove her van into airport parking, she was almost crying with frustration from the events of the day. "What a day, eh?" she thought to herself in her Canadian accent. She was lucky enough to get a decent space and maneuvered her way to the baggage claim area of the Seattle airport. The airport was already decorated for Christmas. "They start earlier and earlier every year," she said to herself as she admired all the pretty Blue Christmas Lights. Checking the arrivals and departures board, she could see that Cindy’s flight had just arrived, so she should be down here any minute. There was a potted tree in the room, but she decided against climbing it. It didn’t look strong enough to hold a 10-year-old’s weight, let alone a grown woman’s. So she sat down on a Granite Slab to watch people. She decided to count city-themed T-shirts. "Hmmm… there’s a cute one of Orlando I don’t have. I’ve got to go to New York City and buy one of those! Toronto…"

Just then there was a commotion down at the other end of the room. A group of people were crowding around, trying to see something. Sofie stood up and noticed a baggage handler trying to maneuver something large through the crowd, but was having little luck due to the people stopping to watch. He called out, "Sofie Starski?"

Startled, she stood up. "Over here," she called. The crowd parted, revealing a giant cake! Wondering who was going to do a striptease for her, she cast shy looks around at the onlookers. "This had better not be too embarrassing!" she thought. The top popped off the cake, and instead of just Cindy visiting her, all her Bennet eSisters and their families had come! Before she had time to wonder how everyone was going to fit in The Cutest Little House in Courtenay -- which was freshly painted, of course -- they jumped up out of the cake, and began singing the Happy Birthday song to her.

"Oh! You guys!" she said, smiling. Jon and Derf approached from the side, grinning and carrying a large birthday cake with sparklers on top. "Make a wish, Sofie," they commanded.

"It's already come true," she replied, hugging all her friends.

Happy Birthday, Sofie!

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