Escaping Reltives
One would expect that if one mentioned the words Sir Christian Montgomery and ‘escaping from relatives’ that Mrs Bennet would have to be involved.
For it was a fact that all of her sons-in-law had their own peculiar ways of escaping from her clutches. For if they didn’t escape they were forced to hear her bemoan on any number of subjects; having her daughters well married had not lessened her complaints.
Mr Bingley escaped into his own mind. He was quite capable of merely smiling and nodding as his mind wandered off into elaborate fantasies about his beautiful Jane dressed as an angel. Many people would be surprised to know how scantily dressed Mr Bingley’s angels were. Bingley of course was too well-bred and too jovial to escape his mother-in-law physically.
Mr Darcy would take shelter at any window embrasure. Hoping for long curtains that he could hide himself in. Lizzy said he was childish to hide in the curtains and perhaps she was right considering how silly he must look. That, and the fact it rarely worked. Bingley always escaped Mrs Bennet but Darcy seemed doomed to be found. Mrs Bennet would espy him in the drapery and just ignore the fact he was hiding and speak very loudly to him. Then she would comment to the room that perhaps Mr Darcy was overstretched and needed a stay in Bedlam.
Lord Ashbourne, using all the monetary power at his disposal, would suddenly find a reason to go for a nice long ride. Mrs. Bennet never rode, and if she felt she must speak to her noble son-in-law and hitched the farm horses to a carriage, Ash could always go cross country. However at some point he would have to return to the house and Mrs Bennet, despite her appearance of flightiness, never forgot to resume a conversation. So his escape was often temporary.
Mr Yeates took comfort in his barn. While he did own animals, he did not look after them, and found the barn excessively uncomfortable for both himself and his painting, yet Mrs Bennet refused to step foot into the barn, so he was safe from her. She refused to even come within yelling distance which easily overcame the hurdle Darcy had yet to overcome. Mr Yeates rubbed his hands together in the cold, and tried to ignore the bleating of displaced lambs and told himself it was a good bargain.
Sir Christian had no need to escape Mrs Bennet. He liked talking to his mother-in-law as it annoyed his wife. It was also amusing to attempt to out talk Mrs Bennet, and Sir Christian felt it was doing a charitable service for everyone else. If Mrs Bennet’s supply of ready conversation was used up by him, the others would have no reason to wish to escape.
However when it came to his own family he wished fervently that he had learnt his brother-in-law’s technique. Because while his own parents may be dead, he had a formidable aunt and chirping cousins!
He tried to escape into his own mind, but found being hit by a rolled up newspaper and chastised for not paying attention, unpleasant.
The drapery was also a no-go. Sir Christian had become entangled and almost set himself on fire when he tried to light one of his cigars. Then of course his Aunt was convinced he had only hidden himself there so he could jump out unsuspectingly on his cousins.
Of course riding should have easily meant escape. His aunt did not ride and only his male cousins rode. But he forgot the annoyance that a young buck could give. Riding his horse flat to the ground, attempting to show off, asking Sir Christian in the middle of a rabbit hole infested ground how to tie a Mathematical. Of course this would lead to Sir Christian taking a tumble. Confined to a sofa meant he could not escape at all.
The barn was the last resort. Except Sir Christian did not think he had a barn. His tenants had barns. Hiding himself in a tenant’s barn had consequences. The tenants thought that he was there for a tumble in the hay with their daughters. The fathers were incensed but the daughters were quick in their haste to remove clothing. It did a soul no good to have to shout “No, no put your clothes back on!”. It lead to slapping all around.
In the end Sir Christian had to realize that escaping relatives was fraught with difficulty and the best solution was to sit and suffer in silence.
**The End**